Archive for January 30th, 2012

If I Ran Television

There’s a lot of mission creep on various television networks.  Largely the networks that have some grounding in documentary television.  Discovery, Science, History, all of these are being taken over by programming that belongs…frankly elsewhere.  So here’s my proposal:

First we need two more networks.  First would be called PPA, standing for Picking, Pawning, and Auctioning.  This would be the new home of American Pickers, Picker Sisters, Pawn Stars, Cajun Pawn Stars, Oddities, Auction Hunters, Auction Kings, Pawn Kings, American Pawn Oddities, Polynesian Pawn Stars, Auction Kings, Pawn Pickers, and Auction Pawners.  I’m sure any of these titles not currently in production will be by the end of the year.  The second new network would be called WTF, and would focus on shows that look at small subcultures within the United States that really have nothing to do with History.  Swamp Loggers, Axe Men, Axe Loggers, Swamp People, Axe People, Gold Rush, Swamp Rush, Log Rushers, and the show with Larry The Cable Guy.

I’m alright with these shows existing.  I’d probably watch a lot of PPA, and WTF is necessary for providing The Soup with enough material every week.

Ancient Aliens should move from History to a network whose mission statement it matches.  Syfy.  Or, perhaps, we need a new network called BS (Believing Stuff) which would be the home of Ancient Aliens, Ghost Hunters, and the new Yeti show on Animal Planet.  Firefly should also be on Syfy, not Science, ideally with marathon showings at least once a month and new episodes filmed during breaks in Castle filming.  An Idiot Abroad, fantastic television, should be on Travel.  I’m okay with all three shows being on television, even Ancient Aliens, a show I have a lot of fun being angry at.  Just not on the channels currently showing them.

All of these moves would allow channels to get back to their focus.  Discovery could be more about nature and documentaries, Science could be more about, uh, science, and History could be more about Nazis.

I look forward to these changes being made.  Anyone wishing to pay me for these ideas is more than welcome to do so.


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