Archive for June, 2011
Weekend plans: SCIENCE!
Posted by DLThurston in Home Brew on June 8, 2011
What am I up to this weekend? Well nothing short of biological science of the finest order. I’ll let this video explain:
Ah science, why do you make me so thirsty?
Eat This: Grilled Corn
Posted by DLThurston in Eat This on June 7, 2011
I don’t mean this as a slight against Nebraskans, though I’ve yet to have anyone from the fine state visit this blog, but I don’t understand corn huskers. You’ve seen them. They stand around the corn in the grocery store, pulling every last husk off the ears they’ve chosen, and leave them in the trash cans that the stores provide. This saddens me for two reasons. The first is the squeaking sound of half a dozen corn huskers going at once is like nails on a chalkboard. The second is that it means they’re going to go home and boil their corn.
It means they aren’t going to cook their corn the best possible way: in husk and grilled. Or in husk and baked, if you’re not grilling. Or even in husk and microwaved. The trick is the husk. It’s one of the single finest cooking vessels that mother nature provides. There’s a reason there are other recipes that involve cooking withing corn husks.
It’s simple. Just soak the corn in water for a few minutes, put it on the grill, and wait until the husk is starting to blacken. Then pull it off the grill, shuck it, and enjoy the best damn corn you can make.
A Dashing Post
Posted by DLThurston in Editing on June 6, 2011
I’ve noticed two lexicographical topics popping up on Twitter in the last few months. The first is the move to only one space between sentences. The second is the proper use of the various horizontal lines that are part of the English grammar. It’s an odd pairing, as one looks to simplify the more obscure rules of English, the other looks to reinforce some of the oddest ones, ones that directly measure how long a line is in order to determine its exact meaning. I can’t help but wonder if there’s some conservation of anal retentiveness going on, as I can’t find any better explanation.
So. In order to better understand horizontal lines, I decided to do a little research and figure out just what the differences are so I can use them properly. My results are below.
The Em-Dash. This is also referred to as the “mutton” as it was originally derived from sheep during the early days of type setting. The em-dash is a bit of a joke created by authors of style guides, who secretly know that there is no actual situation in which this is the correct punctuation.
The En-Dash. These once roamed the midwest in great herds, and their calls could be heard for miles away during the rutting season. Unfortunately it was learned that their meat is tasty and their corpses make fine punctuation, so today they have been hunted nearly to extinction. Now protected by the endangered species act, there is a $500 fine associated with using one in a manuscript.
The El-Dash. Long thought to be mythical, the El-Dash has been described by various early style guides as being anywhere between ten inches and three feet long. The confirmation of the El-Dashes existence was discovered in 1954 at an archaeological site in Syria where the remains of an el-dash just over a foot long were discovered amongst the pottery shards.
The Hyphen. This is not actually a dash, but is properly a circle viewed edge-on.
The Swung Dash. Often typed using the tilde character on modern keyboards, the swung dash is the daring, devil-may-care darker cousin of the dash family. It is used to emphasize that there might be derring-do afoot, such as in the example: “Death Is Imminent ~Explorers Be Ware!~”
The minus sign. Once used exclusively for mathematics, this horizontal line recently bested all other comers in a two-falls-out-of-three wrestling match, and is to be used for all horizontal bar punctuation needs from this point forward.
I’ve certainly learned a lot from this bit of research, and I hope you have too. Just remember to keep double spacing your sentences, and make sure to always use your minus signs. If you discover a horizontally linear punctuation not on this list in your reading or writing, please contact your local authorities and above all else stay calm. ~They can sense fear!~
Fortnightcap: That was the Problem
Posted by DLThurston in Fortnightcaps on June 2, 2011
That was the Problem
A Fortnightcap by DL Thurston
That was the problem. And That’s what she called it, short for That Thing. A large baby-blue creature, covered in downy fur with a long and swishy tail, That had been following her for the last week and a half. At first, That didn’t seem like too big of a deal, but it was beginning to disrupt her life, interfere with her sleep, always there and never leaving her alone.
That was what brought her to the psychiatrist.
“There’s no one else in the room, Susan,” he said, with a practiced empathy, but she heard the condescension.
“I can see That.”
“Then why do you insist there is?”
“Because I can see That. And I know you can’t see That.”
The blue creature shifted in its chair, looking at her with a soft and sad expression. She knew it was trying to play on her sympathy. It wasn’t going to work, not anymore, she was done with That.
“When did this start?”
“About two weeks ago. I turned a corner, and it was just standing there, big as life, but no one else could see it. It just started following me around.”
“Does it ever say anything?”
“No.”
“And what is it doing right now?”
“It’s looking sad.”
“Are you sad?”
The question puzzled her. “What do you mean?”
“Often times, these sort of visual hallucinations can be projections of someone’s inner feelings, a part of you you aren’t willing to deal with, don’t want to listen to. Now it’s taken manifest form, refused to be ignored. It’s not common, but I have seen this before.”
“So you’re trying to tell me That makes sense. That’s a part of me?”
“Very likely.”
“So the way to make it go away is what? Learning to live with That?”
It perked up at the question, nodding its head hopefully.
“How long should I give That?” she asked, still looking at the soft blue creature.
“A few days. A few weeks. If it’s still there in a month, then we might have to worry.”
“A month? Well. Maybe. I mean, I guess That’s not so bad.”
“Good. And if you do want to talk again, please feel free to make an appointment.”
She left, and That was That. The doctor smiled, knowing That would never really go away. After all, he had seen This before.
Fortnightcaps are biweekly experimentation into short form fiction. All Fortnightcaps are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. So if you like the story, please feel free to link people back here. And if you didn’t, maybe the one in two weeks will be better.