Geek Dad To Be


I’m not sure if I’ve talked about this much in the blog, but it has come up elsewhere. In just over two months my marvelous and wonderful coauthor (and wife) will deliver our first child. It’s a terrifying time, not least of which because my beloved wife now has a creature1 living inside of her that sometimes pushing against her stomach so hard as to make visible bulges from outside. I’m told that’s only half as creepy as actually being the one with life form rolling around, so I’m required to give that point to my wife.

So when not playing out scenes from Alien and Prometheus in my head, or occupying my brain with writing, I’m spending an understandable amount of time FREAKING THE FUCK OUT because for some strange reason I will be entrusted with another human life for the next eighteen years and be expected not to screw said life up. I don’t know who seriously thought it was a good idea that I am the right person to saddle with this responsibility, but there it is.

That leaves me with all the questions that I’m sure all dads-to-be end up with.

Questions like: What’s the right age to introduce my child to Star Wars? And what do I do if she wants to watch the prequels? Certainly, I think it’s important for a child to make some of their own decisions, but isn’t part of the job of being a parent to shelter her from the evils of the world? Evils like Jar Jar Binks?

Who should be her first Batman? Adam West is more appropriate for a child growing up, certainly.  I do know Val Kilmer is the wrong answer to this question. For that matter, who should be her first Doctor? Whomever takes the role over from Matt Smith and will likely be starring in new episodes when she’s old enough to watch them? Eccleston? Tennant? Smith? Go classic with one of the Baker boys?

Is Adventure Time really a kids show?

Are Ace Doubles appropriate bedtime stories?

What if…oh god, what if she doesn’t love dinosaurs?

What are the best Carcassonne expansions to play with a toddler? Is four too young for her to help her mommy and daddy close all the necessary gates to keep Cthulhu from devouring the world in madness? What if her friends introduce her to 3rd Edition D&D? No daughter of mine is going to roll up a Vecna worshiper.

When is it too soon to register her domain name? Email address? Oh god, should I have done so already? They’re still available, but what if a domain squatter figures them out and grabs them first? How many variations of her name should I register to make sure she gets the one she wants?

It’s these questions, it’s a thousand more, that prick at my brain while I watch the calendar get closer and closer to her due date. I’m sure the answers are going to become a regular feature of this blog going forward. You are forewarned.

1. For the damnedest reason, WordPress insists that I meant “creäture.” Did I miss something?

  1. avatar

    #1 by Amber on June 28, 2012 - 1:48 pm

    You are going to be an awesome dad. You can introduce star wars as soon as darth vader won’t scare her :) Every kid loves dinosaurs. She’ll probably be a cheerleader somehow, but you’ll lover her anyway, because secretly – she’ll be carrying a 20 sided dice for her later D&D game. And Cthulu will have no chance against the chosen one :) Congratulations!!!
    Amber

  2. avatar

    #2 by Melissa on July 2, 2012 - 10:32 am

    My friend introduced her homeschooled geekling kick-ass-chicks-in-training to Star Wars (Eps 4-6 only) when they were about 7 and 5. She started them on Jane Austen (non-horror-reboot ACTUAL Austen) earlier than that. The girls got fascinated by mummies and Egyptian death cults around 7 and 5 and studied them hard-core for a while. Oh, and at 12 and 10, they are black and blue belts, respectively, in tae kwon do. They also are polite and charming young people. It can be done, even in today’s awful media/grow up too fast/Justin Bieber culture. A steady diet of “Graveyard Book,” “The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish,” “Coraline,” and other quality kid-lit won’t hurt. And you have crazy-weird friends to help properly inculturate the little sprout. :-)

(will not be published)


%d bloggers like this: