Archive for September 20th, 2011

Better Living Through Cliches

Because occasionally we can all use a little advice in our lives, and what better place to turn than cliches?  Today we look at the all too common situation where some seriously messed up shit is going on, but you just don’t know what.

In this situation, there’s a clear order of who to ask.  First, look for any children available, the younger the better.  This can include teenagers, but only if everyone else available is at least 30.  Ideally, you want someone roughly half the age of the second youngest person.  If no one falls under this age suggestion, move on.

So people are still dying off one by one and there’s no children available.  That’s when it’s time to turn to the person wearing glasses.  No matter how insane their suggestions sound, they are likely correct.  Trust them more and more as they can cite specific examples similar to what’s happening.

Do not trust this man.

But what if you don’t have any children or clear nerds available?  That’s where you look for the oldest African American gentleman you can find.  Don’t immediately ask them advice, though.  First determine whether or not he is Tony Todd.  If so, he’s likely the personification of death and should be avoided.  Otherwise, ask away and trust everything they say.  Afterall, horror movies have shown us how unlikely it is for any African American man to make it past the age of 30, clearly any who have reached an advanced age must know anything there is to know.

If none of these people are available…

…well, you’re probably screwed.

, ,

No Comments

%d bloggers like this: