An Announcement

A Fortnightcap by DL Thurston

Scientists Announce Final Invention

At a press conference this afternoon, a team of scientists, engineers, and inventors announced they had invented the last item that will ever be invented.  For centuries thought an impossibility, the moment has been anticipated by philosophologists for the past decade as it became very clear that there are only so many possibilities that can exist within the human imagination.  The invention in question is a new musical instrument that converts thoughts into musical notes.  There followed a brief demonstration by the inventor, Mary Forth, who chose to play Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto Number 3.

The announcement set off immediate reactions from people worldwide.  When approached for this article, Harold Maude, a holovision technician from Hoboken, said, “Come on, there has to be something someone hasn’t invented.  Like, I don’t know, some kind of combination hat rack and computer server.”  Computer and sartorial engineer Lucas Freemont, when approached, responded that such a device had in fact been invented in 2117, but proved to be a financial failure.

“Anyway,” he continued, “we aren’t looking at notions of ‘what if we combined this and that’ but at the creation of new and completely novel devices.  There will always be some room for improvement of existing products.  There just won’t be anything completely new ever again.  Which is something we’re all going to have to deal with.”  Mr. Freemont was unable to comment further as he was finalizing his application for a job grilling soy patties at McDonalds.

There are still some holdouts within the scientific community who believe that there can’t possibly ever be an end of invention.  However, this final invention has been foreseen for several years during a period of complete inventive sterility from the scientific and engineering communities.  It was merely a matter of which enterprising person finally realized the concept and could reap the rewards.   Mrs. Forth will receive a prize of $5,000,000 from the federal government, which can now get out of the business of rewarding inventors and get back to the serious work of declaring national weeks of recognition.

And what of all the inventors?  All the hard working men and women who toil and sweat in the hopes of creating something new?  Many are continuing on, unaffected by the news.  Whether this proves to be a futile use of time and resources, or whether they may still prove the establishment wrong is yet to be seen.  Jordan Lauerbeck, for one, is undeterred.  “I was so close to finishing my own thought horn, and I really hope that I can use some of those concepts to, perhaps, create a new form of dentifrice.”

To Mr. Lauerbeck and the other plucky inventors still struggling on, all we can say is good luck.

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